What IS Suitable?

Over the last couple of months, I’ve seen the seasonal postings on social media about swimwear.
What is modest; what’s not.
“It’s women’s job to help men refrain from lusting,” or “we shouldn’t have that burden, it’s their issue!”
Opinions varying from: “We are free in Christ, so wear what you want!” to, “Christians need to look like they’re from the 1920s or they’re sinning.”

It stresses me out.

But it has caused me to question myself. As does having a daughter of my own now! What should I teach her? What do I want her to see her mommy wear? I want her to feel confident and not like a weirdo…but the thought of anyone enjoying looking at her body one day, makes me nauseous. I feel like telling her: “Right now you look so adorable running around with your still-baby chubbiness showing…but Sweetie, one day you are going to have to wear a sack to the pool, ok Baby? Ok.”
But I know this is hardly right either.

These bloggers have me trying to figure out what is Truth. God doesn’t give us a dress code in the Bible, so is there really a “right and wrong” to this issue? Is there a blanket rule that we should all follow.

I really don’t think so.

However! I do believe there is a calling on our lives as followers of Jesus.
And I believe that there are some good questions we could ask ourselves. And not just about our swimming attire! Really and truly, these could apply to so many areas of our lives.

I’ve asked the Lord to show me what I should do and exemplify in this area. It seems like a small thing, but I’ve been in some serious turmoil over it. I have more “options” at this point in my life: I’m not under my parents’ roof…not married to a rule-following type of husband…and not pregnant for the first time in over 9 years! Ha!
And ya’ll, let me tell you: If you looked in my beach bag, you would have a great picture of my indecisiveness! I own suitable bathing suits for every occasion: one for family beach trips, one for pool trips with church friends, one that I only wore in Jamaica on our honeymoon, one for other friends who don’t have any major convictions on the issue.
You get the picture.
And it’s ridiculous.

While I do believe we are told to consider those around us, I also believe that we can become too controlled by who we’re around, rather than being lead by Whom we belong to.

You know the conclusion He sweetly brought me to?
(Deep breath!)

It’s not about the bathing suit.

(I think I heard a few of you gasp.)

But before you quit reading, let me continue…

There’s one simple question I try to ask myself in many different scenarios in my life:
“What’s your heart in this?”

The Bible may not give us a 21st century dress code, but it does give us timeless wisdom and some lenses that don’t blur with the centuries. The phrase “…for out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks,” is in at least a couple of verses, Luke 6:45 being one of them. So if what is in our heart flows from our lips, doesn’t it make sense that our actions – sometimes so subtle, even unconscious – would also come from what is deep in the hidden places of our hearts?

Now I’m going to tell you what the Lord said to me, but you take it to Him yourself. Ask Him to show you your heart. (He does it in such a tender way when we are asking!)

My conclusion that it’s not about the bathing suit, is true. There’s no magic style that looks modest on everyone; we’re all different. I’ve seen 2-pieces that showed some stomach skin, be far less revealing in other more “pertinent locations” than some 1-pieces.
So if that’s true…and it’s about the heart…then maybe what we should ask ourselves in the dressing room is: What am I communicating with this? Am I trying to find a style that looks attractive and flattering for my body type? Or am I trying to attract attention and hope to be flattered?

Another series of question I am trying to get in a better habit of asking myself is:
“How do I die to myself in this situation? How do I represent Jesus? Is there more of me as priority, or more of Him?”

Now this will look different for everyone, I’m sure.
I don’t think that by dressing like social outcasts, we will draw people in.
But we were also told to “be in the world but not of it.” Could this be one of many ways we should be conscious of how we “adorn the Gospel”?

I’m getting in deep, I know. Too deep for my theological training (haha!!). But my point is that what we say, do, – including wear! – says something. It says something about our heart. It says something about who we truly are, and what we want.

So…instead of having fifty-eleven bathing suits for various occasions, I’m going to try them on in front of a mirror when I’m alone. I’m going to ask gut-honest questions about what they say. And if it says “look at me,” I pray – no matter how much I’m in love with the color – that I have the strength to put that one in the trash pile. Wearing something pretty and fashionable is one thing; but wearing something that screams for attention is another.

I know it feels good to have someone stare. I know it gives a temporal feeling of confidence when someone takes a second glance. But girls, we are supposed to be “adorning the doctrine of God our Savior”! (Titus 2)
So what kind of ornament do you want to be?
I want to want in the deepest part of my soul (help me in my weakness, Father!), to be an ornament that does nothing but point to the overall beauty that is the Gospel. Jesus.
I want my message – my speech, my actions, my clothing – to be consistent. I am His everywhere. Do I sound like it? Act like it? Look like it?
I want to be one of those iridescent type of ornaments that you see on beautiful Christmas trees. Not so much by itself, but when you hang it on the majestic tree, it reflects the rich color of it. It merely draws the eye to the existing beauty. It doesn’t distract.

Again, I say this while knowing vividly how much I fall short. I don’t say this in judgment. Only God truly knows our hearts! The same bathing suit on one person may be worn with pure motives, while on another, be worn with pride as ruler. It’s not our job to cast stones. It IS our job, however, to encourage each other toward the Lover of our souls. This matter is no exception.

And yeah, I agree, it’s not “our job” to control whether a man lusts after us. It is his sin to surrender and what kind of bathing suit might not make a difference. Or it might make it much harder. And it will for sure make it harder for him to focus on the real person within, rather than the skin that eventually wrinkles and the youth that eventually sags.

So I urge you, sisters, to take this matter seriously.
Not as another rule to follow, but as those who have received so much grace, that we can live confidently in Him, no longer in need of what this world offers.

Please, simply take this… to heart.