Habit of Forgiveness

Forgiveness.
The word alone likely brings to mind a particular person (or people). It might make you suddenly remember you have furniture to dust in order to avoid reading any further. :) I know I've been there. But this is a topic God has kept on my heart lately and He's been bringing things to mind that I'm itching to "put to paper" and share, just in case someone else needs to ponder this subject as well.

I know I usually think of the need to forgive in conjunction with "major wrongs" done to us. You know, the "big sins." But I haven't found any verses in the Bible so far that tell me to forgive my brother or sister IF they have done ___. No, it just says to forgive. Like God forgave us. Makes me think that this includes the everyday, irritating, insensitive, "small" stuff, too. The hurtful comment. The insensitive advice. The laziness. The arrogance. The self-centeredness. The manipulation. But I've noticed that in order to truly forgive someone for something, we have to do something first; something that seems kind of obvious, but that we often overlook: we have to acknowledge the hurt. We have to recognize, if only in our hearts, that we have been wronged. That "it's not okay," as they say. That it hurt or offended - whether it was intentional or not - therefore there is work to be done on our part in response: on the heart-level.

I have found, though, that it's easier to not spend this emotional energy. It's easier to start a very subtly destructive habit that helps us cope with the offense without really dealing with it. It's more fun to talk about the person. It's more temporarily satisfying to vent about how wronged we are. And this habit, when nurtured, becomes a lifestyle. So in order to prevent this, we must proactively develop a GOOD habit: the habit of forgiveness. Whether the person you may be thinking about at the moment has wronged you once, in a big or small way, or if it seems to be an ongoing hobby of said person -- your need to forgive may be an ongoing choice.

Notice I said choice. We must choose to forgive. God has given us the ability and Ultimate example, but it's our choice to draw from the stream that flows from Him and - that we claim, as Christians - through us. I have heard varying opinions as to whether forgiveness is a one-time thing or if it's "okay" to have to forgive for the same offense more than once. I tend to believe the latter. While our strength, power, and fueling-love to forgive each other come from the Father who forgave our sins against Him instantly, once and for all -- we aren't God! We still live with our sinful hearts and our human eyes and our earthly emotions every day. While the initial choice to forgive a wrong done to us may be the hardest and the ground-breaking act in our heart by the Holy Spirit, it's not always over there. We pick up the bad habits again; sometimes without realizing it. Rather than meditating on "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable...anything excellent or praiseworthy" (Philippians 4:8)...which I think applies to people, too...we go back to dwelling on the wrong, the ugly, and the irritating. I believe there is an important reason God said to "think about such things." Because our minds and hearts are so intricately connected, what we are meditating on affects our heart-attitude, and vice-versa. I've heard the best way to break a bad habit is by replacing it with a good habit. So many times I find this very true in the spiritual realm. We habitually think and talk in ways that harm our hearts. I believe many times this very thing is the first step to broken relationships. We dwell on the bad and it gets worse. We talk about the ugly and it gets uglier. One "small" offense festers in our hearts and we keep watering and feeding it until it's a huge weed, choking out the love of Christ.

So I urge you to daily make the choice. Develop the habit. Recognize the hurt and ask God if there are conversations to be had, sins of your own to confess. Choose to see the good. Choose to NOT dwell on the unlovely. Let it go and love the person, starting in your heart. It's not easy but it really is simple. And it's what we're commanded to do as followers of Christ. If we ponder the abundance of which we have been forgiven, we find the strength to abundantly forgive. And the peace and joy in our souls when we live forgiveness is great.

Now. Go dust your furniture. :)