As dangerous at it is, I've been thinking again...
This time I was considering the type of people who feel like they have it figured out. Whatever "it" is. You know the type: If they do it, it's right. If they say it, it's correct. If they think it, you need to hear it. We typically aren't most attracted to these people. Unless we don't like to ever have an original thought, they are not usually our "BFFs."
However, as I reflect on this type of people, I realized something. Something horrible. Something that was a serious blow to my pride. Ready for it? Okay...here it is: I can be that person. In my passion about an issue, decision or conviction, I can be that person who - whether I verbalize it or not - thinks I have it all figured out. And I know how I arrive there, too. It's (generally) out of good motivation; therefore the pride creeps in unannounced. Maybe it's a choice I have made due to information I have come across at a certain time. Maybe it's a decision my husband and I have made for the good of our family, at a particular time. Maybe it's something that God has personally convicted me about or directed me to do. All "good," "pure" motives, right? Yes. To begin with. The sin comes when I start to think, talk and/or behave like I know what is best for everyone else. And, to take it a step further, when I deep down, in the hidden places of my heart, believe I am BETTER than those who don't do it my way. Yes, there are some issues where there may truly be a right and wrong way. People's hearts may genuinely be in the wrong place; their motives not good. But who am I to judge?! Who am I to even know that?!
While we are called to show grace to one another in the Body, loving and "showing preference" to one another, what concerns me most about this habit of pridefulness is that as a follower of Jesus, I am called to point others to Him. If I am the kind of person who acts as though I have it all (or at least some of it) figured out, am I going to turn away those who don't know my Savior before I even get a chance to introduce them to Him? If I focus on things that, at the end of the day, don't matter compared to eternity - i.e., health, schooling, politics (yes, I included that last one) - will I be "tuned out" by those I come into contact with before I have an opportunity to address the only issue that really matters? THE Way, THE Truth, THE Life...?
Isaiah 5:21 says, "Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes and prudent and shrewd in their own sight!" I wonder if this is one of the reasons that is in the Bible. One more reason we need to get our self-righteous eyes off ourselves and focus them on Jesus. And those who desperately need to know Him. The one thing that there is ultimately only one right "answer" to, should be what we think, speak and act most passionately about: Jesus. The One Who gave us "authority over the serpents and scorpions and every power of the enemy..." (Luke 10:19)
He and His blood are all we can rightly claim. His work is our only boast.
Friday, October 18, 2013
Friday, September 6, 2013
Deeper
There I told you, “You’ve made it to the Amorite hill country that God, our God, is giving us. Look, God, your God, has placed this land as a gift before you. Go ahead and take it now. God, the God-of-Your-Fathers, promised it to you. Don’t be afraid. Don’t lose heart.”
22 But then you all came to me and said, “Let’s send some men on ahead to scout out the land for us and bring back a report on the best route to take and the kinds of towns we can expect to find.”
23-25 That seemed like a good idea to me, so I picked twelve men, one from each tribe. They set out, climbing through the hills. They came to the Eshcol Valley and looked it over. They took samples of the produce of the land and brought them back to us, saying, “It’s a good land that God, our God, is giving us!”
26-28 But then you weren’t willing to go up. You rebelled against God, your God’s plain word. You complained in your tents: “God hates us. He hauled us out of Egypt in order to dump us among the Amorites—a death sentence for sure! How can we go up? We’re trapped in a dead end. Our brothers took all the wind out of our sails, telling us, ‘The people are bigger and stronger than we are; their cities are huge, their defenses massive—we even saw Anakite giants there!’”
29-33 I tried to relieve your fears: “Don’t be terrified of them. God, your God, is leading the way; he’s fighting for you. You saw with your own eyes what he did for you in Egypt; you saw what he did in the wilderness, how God, your God, carried you as a father carries his child, carried you the whole way until you arrived here. But now that you’re here, you won’t trust God, your God—this same God who goes ahead of you in your travels to scout out a place to pitch camp, a fire by night and a cloud by day to show you the way to go.”
34-36 When God heard what you said, he exploded in anger. He swore, “Not a single person of this evil generation is going to get so much as a look at the good land that I promised to give to your parents. Not one—except for Caleb son of Jephunneh. He’ll see it. I’ll give him and his descendants the land he walked on because he was all for following God, heart and soul.”
41 You spoke up, “We’ve sinned against God. We’ll go up and fight, following all the orders that God, our God, has commanded.” You took your weapons and dressed for battle—you thought it would be so easy going into those hills!
42 But God told me, “Tell them, ‘Don’t do it; don’t go up to fight—I’m not with you in this. Your enemies will waste you.’”
43-46 I told you but you wouldn’t listen. You rebelled at the plain word of God. You threw out your chests and strutted into the hills. And those Amorites, who had lived in those hills all their lives, swarmed all over you like a hive of bees, chasing you from Seir all the way to Hormah, a stinging defeat. You came back and wept in the presence of God, but he didn’t pay a bit of attention to you; God didn’t give you the time of day. You stayed there in Kadesh a long time, about as long as you had stayed there earlier.
~~~~~~~~~~
I read this story from the first chapter of Deuteronomy this morning. Its so rich. So full of lessons. What struck me most was not only the faithlessness of the Israelites (which isn't really a new occurrence, right?!) but the picture we see of God. He had, as it says, basically "carried" them the whole way. Providing for their every need. I don't know about you, but if God literally gave me a cloud to follow during the day and a fire at night, food that fell from the sky - heck, just the fact that he gave a rather cowardly man the ability to help me and my people escape slavery - I think I would have the faith to accept the land He promised me and not let the last hurdle stand in my way of finally resting and enjoying life in my new home that we had finally reached after HOW many years?!
I SAY that anyway...
Moses even reminded the people of God's provision and faithfulness. Didn't work. They were afraid. They whined and complained and out-and-out refused to go. So Moses had to talk to God and relay His message to the people.
I feel kind of sorry for Moses at this point. He had to feel like an older sibling left in charge while the parents are away. Upon their return and discovery of a major disaster that happened while in his care, he gets an earful. The younger ones are punished for their crime, but he gets double: he's held responsible.
So no one (of age) gets to see the promised land now. Except Caleb. He's the good kid. The one that always tries to get everyone to obey and get along. He's exempt from the punishment because apparently his heart was to follow God, even though those around him didn't. So he is rewarded.
After hearing this, suddenly the Israelites take it all back - nothing like getting something taken from you (while someone else gets to keep it), to make you realize how wrong you are and fill you with courage to obey!
But it was too late. God had given them their last chance. Obviously their hearts weren't to follow Him, just to get what they wanted, and God was done. He wanted to bless them, but I believe He mainly wanted their trust. Their hearts. And they just wanted the blessings. He told them to forget it, not to go in and fight now, that they wouldn't win - because they were on their own.
And guess what?! They didn't listen to this either! They "threw out their chests and strutted into the hills." I'm sorry, but this image makes me laugh: stubborn pride personified!
The ending is tragic though. They lost the battle (imagine that!) and still thought they could come back and beg for mercy from God. After he told them to go; and they refused. He took away their blessing; so they decided to go. He told them it was too late, not to go; and they went anyway, like they could demand back what God had taken from them. It makes my head spin!
They were left to wander around in the dessert the rest of their lives, it sounds like. Talk about depressing!
But this shows us such a vivid picture of our God. He wants to bless us. Longs for our trust. Our hearts. He's a loving Father, who enjoys giving us good things. But He cares more about our souls and our knowing Him. He showed both His tender care and love and His power and holiness in this same story.
I don't know about you, but there's a lot of lessons here for me. It makes me want to fear, know and love Him deeper.
So much deeper...
22 But then you all came to me and said, “Let’s send some men on ahead to scout out the land for us and bring back a report on the best route to take and the kinds of towns we can expect to find.”
23-25 That seemed like a good idea to me, so I picked twelve men, one from each tribe. They set out, climbing through the hills. They came to the Eshcol Valley and looked it over. They took samples of the produce of the land and brought them back to us, saying, “It’s a good land that God, our God, is giving us!”
26-28 But then you weren’t willing to go up. You rebelled against God, your God’s plain word. You complained in your tents: “God hates us. He hauled us out of Egypt in order to dump us among the Amorites—a death sentence for sure! How can we go up? We’re trapped in a dead end. Our brothers took all the wind out of our sails, telling us, ‘The people are bigger and stronger than we are; their cities are huge, their defenses massive—we even saw Anakite giants there!’”
29-33 I tried to relieve your fears: “Don’t be terrified of them. God, your God, is leading the way; he’s fighting for you. You saw with your own eyes what he did for you in Egypt; you saw what he did in the wilderness, how God, your God, carried you as a father carries his child, carried you the whole way until you arrived here. But now that you’re here, you won’t trust God, your God—this same God who goes ahead of you in your travels to scout out a place to pitch camp, a fire by night and a cloud by day to show you the way to go.”
34-36 When God heard what you said, he exploded in anger. He swore, “Not a single person of this evil generation is going to get so much as a look at the good land that I promised to give to your parents. Not one—except for Caleb son of Jephunneh. He’ll see it. I’ll give him and his descendants the land he walked on because he was all for following God, heart and soul.”
41 You spoke up, “We’ve sinned against God. We’ll go up and fight, following all the orders that God, our God, has commanded.” You took your weapons and dressed for battle—you thought it would be so easy going into those hills!
42 But God told me, “Tell them, ‘Don’t do it; don’t go up to fight—I’m not with you in this. Your enemies will waste you.’”
43-46 I told you but you wouldn’t listen. You rebelled at the plain word of God. You threw out your chests and strutted into the hills. And those Amorites, who had lived in those hills all their lives, swarmed all over you like a hive of bees, chasing you from Seir all the way to Hormah, a stinging defeat. You came back and wept in the presence of God, but he didn’t pay a bit of attention to you; God didn’t give you the time of day. You stayed there in Kadesh a long time, about as long as you had stayed there earlier.
~~~~~~~~~~
I read this story from the first chapter of Deuteronomy this morning. Its so rich. So full of lessons. What struck me most was not only the faithlessness of the Israelites (which isn't really a new occurrence, right?!) but the picture we see of God. He had, as it says, basically "carried" them the whole way. Providing for their every need. I don't know about you, but if God literally gave me a cloud to follow during the day and a fire at night, food that fell from the sky - heck, just the fact that he gave a rather cowardly man the ability to help me and my people escape slavery - I think I would have the faith to accept the land He promised me and not let the last hurdle stand in my way of finally resting and enjoying life in my new home that we had finally reached after HOW many years?!
I SAY that anyway...
Moses even reminded the people of God's provision and faithfulness. Didn't work. They were afraid. They whined and complained and out-and-out refused to go. So Moses had to talk to God and relay His message to the people.
I feel kind of sorry for Moses at this point. He had to feel like an older sibling left in charge while the parents are away. Upon their return and discovery of a major disaster that happened while in his care, he gets an earful. The younger ones are punished for their crime, but he gets double: he's held responsible.
So no one (of age) gets to see the promised land now. Except Caleb. He's the good kid. The one that always tries to get everyone to obey and get along. He's exempt from the punishment because apparently his heart was to follow God, even though those around him didn't. So he is rewarded.
After hearing this, suddenly the Israelites take it all back - nothing like getting something taken from you (while someone else gets to keep it), to make you realize how wrong you are and fill you with courage to obey!
But it was too late. God had given them their last chance. Obviously their hearts weren't to follow Him, just to get what they wanted, and God was done. He wanted to bless them, but I believe He mainly wanted their trust. Their hearts. And they just wanted the blessings. He told them to forget it, not to go in and fight now, that they wouldn't win - because they were on their own.
And guess what?! They didn't listen to this either! They "threw out their chests and strutted into the hills." I'm sorry, but this image makes me laugh: stubborn pride personified!
The ending is tragic though. They lost the battle (imagine that!) and still thought they could come back and beg for mercy from God. After he told them to go; and they refused. He took away their blessing; so they decided to go. He told them it was too late, not to go; and they went anyway, like they could demand back what God had taken from them. It makes my head spin!
They were left to wander around in the dessert the rest of their lives, it sounds like. Talk about depressing!
But this shows us such a vivid picture of our God. He wants to bless us. Longs for our trust. Our hearts. He's a loving Father, who enjoys giving us good things. But He cares more about our souls and our knowing Him. He showed both His tender care and love and His power and holiness in this same story.
I don't know about you, but there's a lot of lessons here for me. It makes me want to fear, know and love Him deeper.
So much deeper...
Thursday, August 1, 2013
"Song"
I find myself
Living in the memories
Maybe because at least you were there...
The pain washes over
Too real to bear...
Darkness is welcome
But just brings more fear...
~~~~~~
(Chorus)
Most times I feel
An invisible force,
Always behind me,
A gun to my head,
Whispering
Keep going,
Don't fall apart.
Keep walking,
Or all will be lost.
Keep going....
Keep walking...
Keep...breathing...
~~~~
I try to move on
And try to believe
The lie that says time will heal...
But all I do
Is spend all I am
To clothe myself in "okay"
To convince even myself...
~~~~
If moving on means
That days keep passing by
All surely is well...
But if I should know
How to erase and live with
The pain in my heart
And in others' eyes
Then I'm failing miserably
~~~~
Monday, July 29, 2013
Wondering and Wandering
I'm wondering if physical things -- time of year, weather, similar circumstances -- can trigger emotional things -- memories, grief, flashbacks. I'm no psychologist, but it makes sense that it could be true. And it sure feels like it is true.
I've been a mess lately. I'll just be honest. It feels like I am going backwards in the "grief process" (whatever that means) rather than making any progress. The memories are the haunting kind. The darkness is overwhelming; especially late at night, the one time my house is generally quiet. I don't want to take a nap during the day, even when I'm exhausted, afraid that I won't be tired enough that night to fall asleep before my husband. I can't stand being alone, knowing that's all it will take to fall apart. But I also often feel paralyzed to be with people, because I don't have any emotional energy. My babies are God's comfort to me on a daily basis, yet I am not the mother I want to be.
People say "time heals." But I've said for almost two years now that that is ridiculous. I get what they mean: with time, you will heal. And I used to think that would be true. But I don't think it always is. Maybe it can be. Maybe it should be. But it's not so far.
I've never done this before, so I don't know what's "normal." I feel like I'm doing something wrong -- or not doing something right -- because I've never heard anyone else talk about it. I know people have certain things that trigger memories, bring sadness, etc. But I feel like I could relate better to a war veteran: Unpredictable flashbacks. Depression. Anxiety. Isolation.
I feel like a spoiled child to admit these things. Like I'm trying to be dramatic and act like I have pain that no one else has ever experienced. And I know this isn't true. While my relationship with my Daddy was something special and rare, grief this deep is not rare. Other people are close to their parents and lose them early. People lose their children. People experience horrors of war. And I have seven siblings who lost the same person I did. So why am I the one who can't move on?! Why am I, the oldest of six of them, acting like the biggest baby?
I know it goes deeper than just losing my Daddy. It's about life. It's about my fairy-tale way of thinking and seeing this life, being shattered by my worst nightmare coming true. It's about my faith being put through the fire. It's about God carrying me through an earthly hell to the other side where I can honestly say, in a way I couldn't before, "God is good even if_____." Its about knowing Him deeper and depending on Him completely.
I still have questions. It still seems unfair, harsh, pointless. I still question Him. But I also trust Him. I'm not sure I knew what that really meant before...
So all this rambling is to say that all I can say is...whether what I'm feeling is normal or right or wrong, its an opportunity to run to my Father's open arms. If only to bawl my eyes out. If only to look into His good and loving eyes and cry "why?!" Because I think maybe He wants to remind me that, just as He carried me two years ago, He will carry me now.
I just have to quit wandering...
I've been a mess lately. I'll just be honest. It feels like I am going backwards in the "grief process" (whatever that means) rather than making any progress. The memories are the haunting kind. The darkness is overwhelming; especially late at night, the one time my house is generally quiet. I don't want to take a nap during the day, even when I'm exhausted, afraid that I won't be tired enough that night to fall asleep before my husband. I can't stand being alone, knowing that's all it will take to fall apart. But I also often feel paralyzed to be with people, because I don't have any emotional energy. My babies are God's comfort to me on a daily basis, yet I am not the mother I want to be.
People say "time heals." But I've said for almost two years now that that is ridiculous. I get what they mean: with time, you will heal. And I used to think that would be true. But I don't think it always is. Maybe it can be. Maybe it should be. But it's not so far.
I've never done this before, so I don't know what's "normal." I feel like I'm doing something wrong -- or not doing something right -- because I've never heard anyone else talk about it. I know people have certain things that trigger memories, bring sadness, etc. But I feel like I could relate better to a war veteran: Unpredictable flashbacks. Depression. Anxiety. Isolation.
I feel like a spoiled child to admit these things. Like I'm trying to be dramatic and act like I have pain that no one else has ever experienced. And I know this isn't true. While my relationship with my Daddy was something special and rare, grief this deep is not rare. Other people are close to their parents and lose them early. People lose their children. People experience horrors of war. And I have seven siblings who lost the same person I did. So why am I the one who can't move on?! Why am I, the oldest of six of them, acting like the biggest baby?
I know it goes deeper than just losing my Daddy. It's about life. It's about my fairy-tale way of thinking and seeing this life, being shattered by my worst nightmare coming true. It's about my faith being put through the fire. It's about God carrying me through an earthly hell to the other side where I can honestly say, in a way I couldn't before, "God is good even if_____." Its about knowing Him deeper and depending on Him completely.
I still have questions. It still seems unfair, harsh, pointless. I still question Him. But I also trust Him. I'm not sure I knew what that really meant before...
So all this rambling is to say that all I can say is...whether what I'm feeling is normal or right or wrong, its an opportunity to run to my Father's open arms. If only to bawl my eyes out. If only to look into His good and loving eyes and cry "why?!" Because I think maybe He wants to remind me that, just as He carried me two years ago, He will carry me now.
I just have to quit wandering...
Friday, July 5, 2013
Land that we love
I've been reflecting on my lack of enthusiasm about the 4th of July...
I love the get-togethers. Enjoy watching the fireworks. Love watching my boys' eyes light up even more. But I can't seem to get all "pumped up" like many people do. After some thought, I think it boils down to this: I'm thankful for my country - freedom of many kinds, etc. I'm blessed to live and raise my children here, no doubt. I'm INCREDIBLY indebted to the men and women who have/do pay a great - sometimes ultimate - price to protect us and our freedom.
But this is where it stops.
I may be shot for saying this, but I'm not proud of my country, in terms of where we are today vs where we used to be. I'm not one of the people that believes we started as a "Christian nation," either; no such thing. It was founded on some biblical principles and some of our forefathers were Christians...but this doesn't put a holy hedge around us or give us any special rights.
Honestly, I just feel an unsettled-ness in my soul when I see this country somehow "combined" with Christianity. And the attitude that we deserve blessing. God has indeed blessed this country in many ways, and of course I hope He continues to. I just pray, more than that, that we in this country turn to Him for security, answers, peace and hope. We have and will never find that in a leader, a document, laws or a nation.
So as I watch the fireworks, I want to dwell on two things:
One, of the sacrifices countless Americans have made in countless battles for generations to maintain our safety and freedom as a nation.
And two, of the true freedom that awaits us one day when we are free from this earth...including this "land that I love."
Because no matter how hard we might try, it's just not going to get better (read Revelation). But that doesn't need to be a depressing thought, because we will one day soon have a Country that we can be "proud" of and King we will worship. This is what excites me. And this is where our ultimate patriotism should lie.
Ok I'm done. :)
I love the get-togethers. Enjoy watching the fireworks. Love watching my boys' eyes light up even more. But I can't seem to get all "pumped up" like many people do. After some thought, I think it boils down to this: I'm thankful for my country - freedom of many kinds, etc. I'm blessed to live and raise my children here, no doubt. I'm INCREDIBLY indebted to the men and women who have/do pay a great - sometimes ultimate - price to protect us and our freedom.
But this is where it stops.
I may be shot for saying this, but I'm not proud of my country, in terms of where we are today vs where we used to be. I'm not one of the people that believes we started as a "Christian nation," either; no such thing. It was founded on some biblical principles and some of our forefathers were Christians...but this doesn't put a holy hedge around us or give us any special rights.
Honestly, I just feel an unsettled-ness in my soul when I see this country somehow "combined" with Christianity. And the attitude that we deserve blessing. God has indeed blessed this country in many ways, and of course I hope He continues to. I just pray, more than that, that we in this country turn to Him for security, answers, peace and hope. We have and will never find that in a leader, a document, laws or a nation.
So as I watch the fireworks, I want to dwell on two things:
One, of the sacrifices countless Americans have made in countless battles for generations to maintain our safety and freedom as a nation.
And two, of the true freedom that awaits us one day when we are free from this earth...including this "land that I love."
Because no matter how hard we might try, it's just not going to get better (read Revelation). But that doesn't need to be a depressing thought, because we will one day soon have a Country that we can be "proud" of and King we will worship. This is what excites me. And this is where our ultimate patriotism should lie.
Ok I'm done. :)
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Habit of Forgiveness
Forgiveness.
The word alone likely brings to mind a particular person (or people). It might make you suddenly remember you have furniture to dust in order to avoid reading any further. :) I know I've been there. But this is a topic God has kept on my heart lately and He's been bringing things to mind that I'm itching to "put to paper" and share, just in case someone else needs to ponder this subject as well.
I know I usually think of the need to forgive in conjunction with "major wrongs" done to us. You know, the "big sins." But I haven't found any verses in the Bible so far that tell me to forgive my brother or sister IF they have done ___. No, it just says to forgive. Like God forgave us. Makes me think that this includes the everyday, irritating, insensitive, "small" stuff, too. The hurtful comment. The insensitive advice. The laziness. The arrogance. The self-centeredness. The manipulation. But I've noticed that in order to truly forgive someone for something, we have to do something first; something that seems kind of obvious, but that we often overlook: we have to acknowledge the hurt. We have to recognize, if only in our hearts, that we have been wronged. That "it's not okay," as they say. That it hurt or offended - whether it was intentional or not - therefore there is work to be done on our part in response: on the heart-level.
I have found, though, that it's easier to not spend this emotional energy. It's easier to start a very subtly destructive habit that helps us cope with the offense without really dealing with it. It's more fun to talk about the person. It's more temporarily satisfying to vent about how wronged we are. And this habit, when nurtured, becomes a lifestyle. So in order to prevent this, we must proactively develop a GOOD habit: the habit of forgiveness. Whether the person you may be thinking about at the moment has wronged you once, in a big or small way, or if it seems to be an ongoing hobby of said person -- your need to forgive may be an ongoing choice.
Notice I said choice. We must choose to forgive. God has given us the ability and Ultimate example, but it's our choice to draw from the stream that flows from Him and - that we claim, as Christians - through us. I have heard varying opinions as to whether forgiveness is a one-time thing or if it's "okay" to have to forgive for the same offense more than once. I tend to believe the latter. While our strength, power, and fueling-love to forgive each other come from the Father who forgave our sins against Him instantly, once and for all -- we aren't God! We still live with our sinful hearts and our human eyes and our earthly emotions every day. While the initial choice to forgive a wrong done to us may be the hardest and the ground-breaking act in our heart by the Holy Spirit, it's not always over there. We pick up the bad habits again; sometimes without realizing it. Rather than meditating on "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable...anything excellent or praiseworthy" (Philippians 4:8)...which I think applies to people, too...we go back to dwelling on the wrong, the ugly, and the irritating. I believe there is an important reason God said to "think about such things." Because our minds and hearts are so intricately connected, what we are meditating on affects our heart-attitude, and vice-versa. I've heard the best way to break a bad habit is by replacing it with a good habit. So many times I find this very true in the spiritual realm. We habitually think and talk in ways that harm our hearts. I believe many times this very thing is the first step to broken relationships. We dwell on the bad and it gets worse. We talk about the ugly and it gets uglier. One "small" offense festers in our hearts and we keep watering and feeding it until it's a huge weed, choking out the love of Christ.
So I urge you to daily make the choice. Develop the habit. Recognize the hurt and ask God if there are conversations to be had, sins of your own to confess. Choose to see the good. Choose to NOT dwell on the unlovely. Let it go and love the person, starting in your heart. It's not easy but it really is simple. And it's what we're commanded to do as followers of Christ. If we ponder the abundance of which we have been forgiven, we find the strength to abundantly forgive. And the peace and joy in our souls when we live forgiveness is great.
Now. Go dust your furniture. :)
The word alone likely brings to mind a particular person (or people). It might make you suddenly remember you have furniture to dust in order to avoid reading any further. :) I know I've been there. But this is a topic God has kept on my heart lately and He's been bringing things to mind that I'm itching to "put to paper" and share, just in case someone else needs to ponder this subject as well.
I know I usually think of the need to forgive in conjunction with "major wrongs" done to us. You know, the "big sins." But I haven't found any verses in the Bible so far that tell me to forgive my brother or sister IF they have done ___. No, it just says to forgive. Like God forgave us. Makes me think that this includes the everyday, irritating, insensitive, "small" stuff, too. The hurtful comment. The insensitive advice. The laziness. The arrogance. The self-centeredness. The manipulation. But I've noticed that in order to truly forgive someone for something, we have to do something first; something that seems kind of obvious, but that we often overlook: we have to acknowledge the hurt. We have to recognize, if only in our hearts, that we have been wronged. That "it's not okay," as they say. That it hurt or offended - whether it was intentional or not - therefore there is work to be done on our part in response: on the heart-level.
I have found, though, that it's easier to not spend this emotional energy. It's easier to start a very subtly destructive habit that helps us cope with the offense without really dealing with it. It's more fun to talk about the person. It's more temporarily satisfying to vent about how wronged we are. And this habit, when nurtured, becomes a lifestyle. So in order to prevent this, we must proactively develop a GOOD habit: the habit of forgiveness. Whether the person you may be thinking about at the moment has wronged you once, in a big or small way, or if it seems to be an ongoing hobby of said person -- your need to forgive may be an ongoing choice.
Notice I said choice. We must choose to forgive. God has given us the ability and Ultimate example, but it's our choice to draw from the stream that flows from Him and - that we claim, as Christians - through us. I have heard varying opinions as to whether forgiveness is a one-time thing or if it's "okay" to have to forgive for the same offense more than once. I tend to believe the latter. While our strength, power, and fueling-love to forgive each other come from the Father who forgave our sins against Him instantly, once and for all -- we aren't God! We still live with our sinful hearts and our human eyes and our earthly emotions every day. While the initial choice to forgive a wrong done to us may be the hardest and the ground-breaking act in our heart by the Holy Spirit, it's not always over there. We pick up the bad habits again; sometimes without realizing it. Rather than meditating on "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable...anything excellent or praiseworthy" (Philippians 4:8)...which I think applies to people, too...we go back to dwelling on the wrong, the ugly, and the irritating. I believe there is an important reason God said to "think about such things." Because our minds and hearts are so intricately connected, what we are meditating on affects our heart-attitude, and vice-versa. I've heard the best way to break a bad habit is by replacing it with a good habit. So many times I find this very true in the spiritual realm. We habitually think and talk in ways that harm our hearts. I believe many times this very thing is the first step to broken relationships. We dwell on the bad and it gets worse. We talk about the ugly and it gets uglier. One "small" offense festers in our hearts and we keep watering and feeding it until it's a huge weed, choking out the love of Christ.
So I urge you to daily make the choice. Develop the habit. Recognize the hurt and ask God if there are conversations to be had, sins of your own to confess. Choose to see the good. Choose to NOT dwell on the unlovely. Let it go and love the person, starting in your heart. It's not easy but it really is simple. And it's what we're commanded to do as followers of Christ. If we ponder the abundance of which we have been forgiven, we find the strength to abundantly forgive. And the peace and joy in our souls when we live forgiveness is great.
Now. Go dust your furniture. :)
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