After a long time of not posting for various reasons, I am posting a couple things at once. A dear friend of my Daddy's (and now mine) requested that I ramble some more on my blog soon :) And he also asked about the little blurbs I was writing for our church bulletin during the Christmas season. Therefore I thought I would blame him and grant both his requests at once :)
So, here they are...
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Week 1
~*~*~*~
As you look around the foyer and auditorium this morning, you will see the recent holiday additions – the festive colors, the trees, the lights. But it is our prayer that a particular Message will be even more obvious than these – that you will see with not only your eyes, but your heart.
Gifts are on all of our minds at this time of year: shopping, buying, wrapping, and, of course, the UN-wrapping. What we often don’t realize – both in the hustle and bustle of this season as well as the everyday chaos that most of us call normal – is that gifts are not just related to Christmas. God has given each of us gifts of grace (not rewards that we earn) that He longs for us to accept and use for His glory. Gifts such as encouragement, discernment, leadership. Things that He gives to us in order to minister to others. Paul gives us a detailed description in 1 Corinthians 12 of how the Body of Christ is supposed to function – therefore to not use our gifts is to simply not truly function. We are paralyzing ourselves when this happens, and we are crippling others from functioning as they could.
In the coming weeks we want to focus on what it means to “unwrap” the gifts within. Those things that God has given us in His infinite wisdom and love – but that we often leave “unwrapped” in the closets of our hearts, for whatever reason, and thereby deprive ourselves and those around us from the joy to be had. We want to learn how to “unwrap” these gifts; and examine why we often don’t.
So as your gaze lingers on the decorative reminders in our meeting areas, we hope that the truth of this Message which God has put on our hearts, will stay in your hearts and minds long after you look away…
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Week 2
~*~*~*~
Imagine with me for a moment…
It’s Christmas morning: Shopping is done, gifts are wrapped, and your excitement is building for your children to finally unwrap the fruits of your labors of love.
As soon as your son comes sleepily down the stairs, you hand him his first present with a smile. He looks at it, takes it and turns it over in his hands a few times, then gives it back to you. “No thanks,” he says.
Then your daughter walks in, waiting for her turn. You gladly hand her a gift, hoping for a more exciting response. She eagerly takes it, rips off the wrapping paper, but then sighs. It wasn’t what she wanted. Not what she was hoping for. She gives it back to you and says: “Thanks anyway; I just don’t really want to use this one.”
Now for some of us, this response on Christmas morning is hard to imagine – many of our children are the exact opposite, ready for any and all and as many presents as possible! But do we realize that as God’s children, this is often how we react towards the gifts He gives us? And, I would imagine, the way we make Him feel is similar to what our feelings would be if we received such ungrateful responses from our children. It’s a sobering thought.
The Bible says God wants to give “good gifts” to His children. So why are we hesitant to accept and use those good things He gives? The gifts that He gives us are things that require action. Think of gifts such as teaching, hospitality, encouragement, helps, service, administration – if nothing is done with them, what good are they? God’s gifts are not meant to be merely decorative. They are only truly received and used when they are put into action. Yes, it sometimes requires that we leave our “comfort zones” and step out in faith, believing that God is the one who gives us these gifts, therefore the strength and energy and results are completely in His hands.
Sometimes it is easy to let the Enemy convince us that we are being prideful by claiming to have a gift of some kind. He convinces us it is arrogant to acknowledge that we are useable by God, and that we should just sit quietly in our pews, feeling quite humble. But this is, of course, the opposite of what God desires for us. He gives us good gifts because He wants us to experience the joy and energizing that they bring! Because these gifts have nothing to do with us – they are FROM Him and to be used FOR others. We are simply experiencing blessings by Him allowing us to be the “middle man,” so to speak, in His plan. He wants us to fill this role – and I fear that when we don’t, we are missing out on more than we can imagine.
Let us pray to eagerly receive the gifts that He, in His loving sovereignty, gives. Let’s truly “unwrap” these gifts by using them for the purpose they were intended: to serve others. Let’s revel in and thank Him for the blessing of being used by Him. He could simply meet everyone’s needs Himself, using any method He chooses. But He chooses us. He chooses to let His children experience the beauty of His design of working together as one Body. Giving and receiving.
As we think about Jesus’ birth this season, let’s reflect a bit more on the Gift He is…and the gifts we have in Him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Week 3
~*~*~*~
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control…” Galatians 5:22-23
We have been focusing on gifts of the Spirit the last few weeks –recognizing them, accepting them, using them. But we want to be sure not to confuse the gifts of the Spirit with the fruits of the spirit, as listed in Galatians 5. Yet I believe there is also a great and beautiful connection between the two that, when realized, paints a more full picture of how we as followers of Christ should operate.
Fruits of the Spirit are evidence that the Holy Spirit is thriving in the fertile soil of our hearts. They are seen in our character, attitudes, and lifestyles. Fruits are sometimes only visible by those closest to us, as they are often “quiet” but firm proof that our hearts and lives are being ruled by our Creator.
Therefore, does it not make sense that the gifts of the Spirit are the fruits of the Spirit being focused on service to others? They are the roots of the gifts, so to speak. Think of such relationships between “fruits” and “gifts” as:
Joy: Encouragement
Gentleness: Mercy
Kindness: Hospitality; Service.
Self-control: Giving; Celibacy.
Peace: Martrydom
These are just a few that seem to obviously relate to each other, but I believe the list in continuous. It points to the fact that in order for there to be authentic, heart-felt, long-term use of our gifts, they must begin in our hearts. With the work only God can do and that He has promised to complete. True encouragement, for instance, can only come from the joy that God gives us. And without the kindness He instills, how can we truly be hospitable or have a desire to serve others? And, though we don’t often think of it as a gift, many martyrs for Christ both today and in history, would not have been in the places they were or willing to make the ultimate sacrifice they did, if they had not known the peace that only comes from a deep relationship with the one they died serving.
Now we don’t all have the same gifting, but no matter what gift(s) God has given us at various times in our lives, we have the same source from which to draw: the Spirit that lives in us. We have been promised that He will provide these things we need; all we must do is ask. As a result, our excuses for not using our gifts are rather destroyed.
And just as our reasons for not using these gifts are probably similar, I’m guessing our answers to this question might be also: has there been a time in your life where someone used a gift God had given them in order to help/bless you? Where would you be without God having used that person? What if they had refused to give to you in whatever way they did? What if they had chosen comfort, convenience or security over you? Many of us do not want to imagine this, because for many, it would be a painful, lonely, bleak picture indeed.
But I encourage us all to use this as motivation. Cry out to the Lord for the desire – the passion – to minister to others. Remember how He has cared for us through others. Be sensitive to His promptings. Recognize that if the Spirit is living in us, then we have the reason, source and nourishment that we need to serve those around us in numerous ways. No excuses.
And, when we do this, He makes it so much fun.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Snapshots
I've been reflecting much lately on life.
True, this is a broad topic to say the least. But when the reality of death hits you like a lightning bolt -- out of nowhere and too powerfully to ignore -- it makes you contemplate deep things.
At least it does me.
It seems that God is up to something these days...which is nothing new. He is always acting, even when we can't see it. But for some reason, He is giving me tiny glimpses occasionally. Like an artist who lets you see bits and pieces, but not the finished product. Yet. Only enough to pique your curiosity and keep you wondering. And excited.
One of the things He has been doing, is striking me with a memory every now and then. Many times a seemingly insignificant moment in the past, that at the time, didn't seem worth remembering. Definitely "nothing to write home about," as my Daddy would say. The "triggers" are random and sometimes just make no sense. Nevertheless, they summon a memory I am so glad was hidden in the chambers of my mind and heart.
I think of them as snapshots; life-pictures we take, sometimes unknowingly, that define the way we view our past in the present.
I don't know about you, but there are other snapshots I took (and take) on purpose. Moments I realized were significant and precious and I intentionally stored them in my heart...
Like two specific hugs from my grandfather; one of which was indeed my last.
Certain intimate, sincere times of worship and dedication to Jesus.
When my precious husband proposed. Our wedding. Our wedding night.
Holding my Daddy's hand when he was his sickest, as he slept one day.
Sweet snuggling sessions with each of my babies; knowing that all too soon they would grow too big to enjoy being swaddled and rocked.
Some of our memories of the past are precious. But we can't live there. We can't depend on them for our source of joy or sense of well-being.
And let's face it: some memories are far from good...
A harsh word -- spoken by or to us.
A scarring childhood.
A painful relationship.
Watching someone you love, leave this world.
Abuse.
Neglect.
We would like to erase those. Yet we can't live there either. We can't let them define who we are. We should definitely strive to be fully present in the "now." The mundane, the significant; the trials and the celebrations. For all are ordained by God and are for a Purpose. But the other side of that coin is that the "now" is not all we have. Whether our lives have tipped the memory scales in the positive or negative direction, it isn't all we have.
I received the most comfort I've felt in a long time, just the other night. God led me to pick up a book by Randy Alcorn, called "Heaven," which I have been (slowly) reading, and focused me on a certain portion. What I read tied in beautifully with what has been on my mind in terms of the "snapshots" life is made of:
"Memory is a basic element of personality. If we are truly ourselves in Heaven, there must be continuity of memory from Earth to Heaven. We will not be different people, but the same people marvelously relocated and transformed. Heaven cleanses us but does not revise or extinguish our origins or history. Undoubtedly we will remember God's works of grace in our lives that comforted, assured, sustained and empowered us to live for Him."
This excites me. It makes me realize that the memories we have, the snapshots we take, are not meaningless after this earth is gone. They matter. 'Cause they aren't going to disappear once we are in the presence of Jesus. All that will change is our perspective of them. The sin-clouded glasses will be removed and we will see clearly.
Alcorn, in a later chapter, says "In Heaven, neither we nor our family members will cause pain. Our relationships will be harmonious -- what we've longed for."
He continues, "There's every reason to believe we'll pick right up in Heaven with relationships from earth. We'll gain many new ones but will continue to deepen the old ones."
This thrills me. It makes me weep with relief. The memories, good and bad, will not be the end. The snapshots will meld into a whole, complete, beautiful picture of God's grace in our lives here on earth. We will see even -- and most likely, especially -- in the sad and painful memories, what God was accomplishing. We will worship all the more in Heaven, because we will be free from sin and the human, sin-laden perspectives we once had.
So the snapshots -- we need to keep taking them. They are useful right now because they help us savor the good moments, the little tastes of the New Earth to come. Even the hard times that, like it or not, are etched on our hearts, build our faith and push us toward Christ. Whether it's a childhood flashback, an "on purpose" memory, or a snapshot stained with tears, we must thank God for it. And look forward to building on them -- now and in Heaven!
Whether they seem trivial or not, one day we will realize they were all definitely "worth writing home about." Except we'll already be there.
True, this is a broad topic to say the least. But when the reality of death hits you like a lightning bolt -- out of nowhere and too powerfully to ignore -- it makes you contemplate deep things.
At least it does me.
It seems that God is up to something these days...which is nothing new. He is always acting, even when we can't see it. But for some reason, He is giving me tiny glimpses occasionally. Like an artist who lets you see bits and pieces, but not the finished product. Yet. Only enough to pique your curiosity and keep you wondering. And excited.
One of the things He has been doing, is striking me with a memory every now and then. Many times a seemingly insignificant moment in the past, that at the time, didn't seem worth remembering. Definitely "nothing to write home about," as my Daddy would say. The "triggers" are random and sometimes just make no sense. Nevertheless, they summon a memory I am so glad was hidden in the chambers of my mind and heart.
I think of them as snapshots; life-pictures we take, sometimes unknowingly, that define the way we view our past in the present.
I don't know about you, but there are other snapshots I took (and take) on purpose. Moments I realized were significant and precious and I intentionally stored them in my heart...
Like two specific hugs from my grandfather; one of which was indeed my last.
Certain intimate, sincere times of worship and dedication to Jesus.
When my precious husband proposed. Our wedding. Our wedding night.
Holding my Daddy's hand when he was his sickest, as he slept one day.
Sweet snuggling sessions with each of my babies; knowing that all too soon they would grow too big to enjoy being swaddled and rocked.
Some of our memories of the past are precious. But we can't live there. We can't depend on them for our source of joy or sense of well-being.
And let's face it: some memories are far from good...
A harsh word -- spoken by or to us.
A scarring childhood.
A painful relationship.
Watching someone you love, leave this world.
Abuse.
Neglect.
We would like to erase those. Yet we can't live there either. We can't let them define who we are. We should definitely strive to be fully present in the "now." The mundane, the significant; the trials and the celebrations. For all are ordained by God and are for a Purpose. But the other side of that coin is that the "now" is not all we have. Whether our lives have tipped the memory scales in the positive or negative direction, it isn't all we have.
I received the most comfort I've felt in a long time, just the other night. God led me to pick up a book by Randy Alcorn, called "Heaven," which I have been (slowly) reading, and focused me on a certain portion. What I read tied in beautifully with what has been on my mind in terms of the "snapshots" life is made of:
"Memory is a basic element of personality. If we are truly ourselves in Heaven, there must be continuity of memory from Earth to Heaven. We will not be different people, but the same people marvelously relocated and transformed. Heaven cleanses us but does not revise or extinguish our origins or history. Undoubtedly we will remember God's works of grace in our lives that comforted, assured, sustained and empowered us to live for Him."
This excites me. It makes me realize that the memories we have, the snapshots we take, are not meaningless after this earth is gone. They matter. 'Cause they aren't going to disappear once we are in the presence of Jesus. All that will change is our perspective of them. The sin-clouded glasses will be removed and we will see clearly.
Alcorn, in a later chapter, says "In Heaven, neither we nor our family members will cause pain. Our relationships will be harmonious -- what we've longed for."
He continues, "There's every reason to believe we'll pick right up in Heaven with relationships from earth. We'll gain many new ones but will continue to deepen the old ones."
This thrills me. It makes me weep with relief. The memories, good and bad, will not be the end. The snapshots will meld into a whole, complete, beautiful picture of God's grace in our lives here on earth. We will see even -- and most likely, especially -- in the sad and painful memories, what God was accomplishing. We will worship all the more in Heaven, because we will be free from sin and the human, sin-laden perspectives we once had.
So the snapshots -- we need to keep taking them. They are useful right now because they help us savor the good moments, the little tastes of the New Earth to come. Even the hard times that, like it or not, are etched on our hearts, build our faith and push us toward Christ. Whether it's a childhood flashback, an "on purpose" memory, or a snapshot stained with tears, we must thank God for it. And look forward to building on them -- now and in Heaven!
Whether they seem trivial or not, one day we will realize they were all definitely "worth writing home about." Except we'll already be there.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
A Friend
May I please tell you about a friend of mine?
Thanks.
He is a man I have respected unwaveringly for years.
He is an unassuming man. One who possesses quiet strength. He is not easily angered --unless you mess with his family. Then, honestly, jumping off the nearest bridge might be the most pleasant thing for you to do.
He knows what he believes and stands by it. He is, however, always ready to listen to you; even if you don't agree with him. He's one of those humble people who isn't offended if you don't see things as he does. That's your right as a person and he will love you anyway.
He isn't a big talker. But if you are wanting a story, he enjoys obliging. And he tells them vividly, like he's reliving each memory. He's lived a while, so he has quite a repertoire, too. If he sees that you are enjoying listening, he will love every minute. And probably throw in another tale, for your listening pleasure.
And his laugh! The term "belly laugh" -- where your whole body laughs, from the soul out. Yeah, I'm pretty sure someone came up with that description after watching this guy. It's not one of those laughs that is at all annoying -- it actually makes you laugh along if you hear it, even if you haven't heard what is funny. It's contagious and can brighten up your whole day.
And so can he. One smile, one heartfelt kind word, both of which characterize this man, make you feel like carrying on, even on the days where you struggle to do just that. He is genuine. Warm, kind and sympathetic.
He's not a public speaker. In fact, being in front of a large crowd makes his stomach hurt. But one-on-one, now that's his cup of tea. Talking comfortably over a good meal, a phone call just to catch up and see how your day is going...that's him. Come to him with a heartache, worry, struggle, and you will get a listening ear, encouraging word, and prayer. And a hug.
He's not a loner by any means. He enjoys quiet time at home, takes pleasure in simple relaxation. But not by himself. Now snuggle one of his children up next to him...or turn on an Andy Griffith show and gather the family around...or give him a book to read aloud (complete with "voices," of course)...and there you have it. Ideal quality relaxation.
Or put him on the beach. Seeing a grown man marvel at and revel in the beauty of the ocean, is observing worship in a pure form. He is humbled and overwhelmed at the creativity and blessings of God. There is nothing "frivolous" he would rather spend money on than a trip to the beach with his family.
I might also add that he builds the best, most precise sand castles EVER.
He's a thinker. Don't try to get a quick decision out of him -- it will only prolong the process. But rest assured that when you do get an answer, it will have been thought about from every angle and it will stand. Period. All that effort will not be in vain. If the decision is something you aren't going to want to hear, it will be presented in a gentle, loving, diplomatic way. If it is a welcome answer, he will probably attempt to keep a straight face and begin his speech as though you aren't going to enjoy hearing what he has to say. But when you realize you were scared for nothing, just smack him, hug him and thank him. He's happy to make you happy.
Most importantly, this man loves the Lord with his whole heart. His faith is not loud. But it is strong. His convictions are obvious but not obnoxious. His relationship with the Lord is sweet and evident in how he handles this life. One of his go-to verses and prayers is "We don't know what to do but our eyes are on You." He doesn't claim to have answers or to know how to fix everything. He just knows Who does and encourages us that running to Him is the solution, in and of itself.
In my humble opinion, you can't get a much better picture in this sin-tainted world of the way God feels about His children, than seen in this man.
His hugs comfort like nothing else on earth. He makes you feel like the most precious, beautiful, priceless treasure in the world. He would do anything in his power to help you and make a close relationship possible.
It breaks my heart to say that this man is now in Heaven and this world continues without him.
But I will never stop being proud to call this man my friend.
And my Daddy.
Happy Birthday, Daddy.
Love forever.
Thanks.
He is a man I have respected unwaveringly for years.
He is an unassuming man. One who possesses quiet strength. He is not easily angered --unless you mess with his family. Then, honestly, jumping off the nearest bridge might be the most pleasant thing for you to do.
He knows what he believes and stands by it. He is, however, always ready to listen to you; even if you don't agree with him. He's one of those humble people who isn't offended if you don't see things as he does. That's your right as a person and he will love you anyway.
He isn't a big talker. But if you are wanting a story, he enjoys obliging. And he tells them vividly, like he's reliving each memory. He's lived a while, so he has quite a repertoire, too. If he sees that you are enjoying listening, he will love every minute. And probably throw in another tale, for your listening pleasure.
And his laugh! The term "belly laugh" -- where your whole body laughs, from the soul out. Yeah, I'm pretty sure someone came up with that description after watching this guy. It's not one of those laughs that is at all annoying -- it actually makes you laugh along if you hear it, even if you haven't heard what is funny. It's contagious and can brighten up your whole day.
And so can he. One smile, one heartfelt kind word, both of which characterize this man, make you feel like carrying on, even on the days where you struggle to do just that. He is genuine. Warm, kind and sympathetic.
He's not a public speaker. In fact, being in front of a large crowd makes his stomach hurt. But one-on-one, now that's his cup of tea. Talking comfortably over a good meal, a phone call just to catch up and see how your day is going...that's him. Come to him with a heartache, worry, struggle, and you will get a listening ear, encouraging word, and prayer. And a hug.
He's not a loner by any means. He enjoys quiet time at home, takes pleasure in simple relaxation. But not by himself. Now snuggle one of his children up next to him...or turn on an Andy Griffith show and gather the family around...or give him a book to read aloud (complete with "voices," of course)...and there you have it. Ideal quality relaxation.
Or put him on the beach. Seeing a grown man marvel at and revel in the beauty of the ocean, is observing worship in a pure form. He is humbled and overwhelmed at the creativity and blessings of God. There is nothing "frivolous" he would rather spend money on than a trip to the beach with his family.
I might also add that he builds the best, most precise sand castles EVER.
He's a thinker. Don't try to get a quick decision out of him -- it will only prolong the process. But rest assured that when you do get an answer, it will have been thought about from every angle and it will stand. Period. All that effort will not be in vain. If the decision is something you aren't going to want to hear, it will be presented in a gentle, loving, diplomatic way. If it is a welcome answer, he will probably attempt to keep a straight face and begin his speech as though you aren't going to enjoy hearing what he has to say. But when you realize you were scared for nothing, just smack him, hug him and thank him. He's happy to make you happy.
Most importantly, this man loves the Lord with his whole heart. His faith is not loud. But it is strong. His convictions are obvious but not obnoxious. His relationship with the Lord is sweet and evident in how he handles this life. One of his go-to verses and prayers is "We don't know what to do but our eyes are on You." He doesn't claim to have answers or to know how to fix everything. He just knows Who does and encourages us that running to Him is the solution, in and of itself.
In my humble opinion, you can't get a much better picture in this sin-tainted world of the way God feels about His children, than seen in this man.
His hugs comfort like nothing else on earth. He makes you feel like the most precious, beautiful, priceless treasure in the world. He would do anything in his power to help you and make a close relationship possible.
It breaks my heart to say that this man is now in Heaven and this world continues without him.
But I will never stop being proud to call this man my friend.
And my Daddy.
Happy Birthday, Daddy.
Love forever.
Monday, August 20, 2012
Intro and Tribute
I am filled with emotion as I begin this new blog. It seems like a huge step for me. Not just in terms of committing to being diligent in my writing again, but also personally: as another step in a grieving process.
As many of you know, a year ago last week my precious father was taken Home to Jesus. Even as I type these words, I realize that I still haven't grasped the truth of it. I feel like I'm acting out someone else's life. It is still too horrific for my heart to believe. But the reality of him not being physically present in my life anymore is all too obvious every single day.
I say all this to explain why I need to write again. Why "putting pen to paper" needs to no longer be one of many things that has been demoted on my priority list. Mainly because I feel it is how God created me. He gave me the desire to write and the ability to best communicate that way. It may not be helpful to anyone else, but it helps me process this thing called life. It causes me to sort out circumstances. Discern truth. Enjoy experiences over and over. And now, also honor and feel close to my Daddy.
Daddy loved to write. He was very gifted with words and also enjoyed the therapy writing brought. We loved to read each other's "works." He was my biggest cheerleader and I always felt like I was seeing even deeper into his heart when I read something he wrote. We even wrote a speech together for my high school graduation. It was simply one of many bonds we shared.
In the past few years, life has taken off - sometimes feeling as though it was taking me for a ride. Carl and I married in March of 2008. Liam was born in November of the same year, with Cole following in June of 2010, and Ezra in September of 2011. Daddy's first bout with cancer was early 2010. We thought it was taken care of after surgery and an abbreviated round of treatments. A year later we were shocked with the news that it was still very present; and advanced. In four months we lived through an earthly Hell.
There are many blessings to acknowledge. And there is pain and loss with which to cope.
My days are so busy I feel like I don't do either very well. I look back on a day and try to remember doing anything besides fixing meals, changing diapers, a grocery store trip and cleaning endless dishes and messes. I wouldn't trade my "occupation" for anything in the world. But I feel like if I let myself focus only on the mundane, I'll lose sight of the extraordinary. I can get so consumed with doing the work that God has given me, that I forget God.
Writing, for me, is a way of communing with God. I talk to Him as I write. He speaks to me as thoughts swirl through my head. And many times, I'll look back at something I have just typed and know that it was Him who pulled those words from my scattered brain. After all, He gave me the love of writing to use, right? Does it glorify Him if we let a gift He gives us simply sit on the shelf? Or, in my case, put it on the priority list in the vicinity of the other items I know, deep down, will not get done? Hardly.
Now I realize that this is not going to be an easy task for me. I am easily distracted and I have three cute, loud, little distractions running around me 24/7. (I have gotten up from my computer no less than 50 times thus far in this post, and I am spoon-feeding a certain baby between sentences.)
But it is my goal. My pledge. To God, to myself, and to my Daddy's memory. I will write more often. No one may ever read it; but that's okay. I will endeavor to remind myself in this small way of my identity. Who I am in Christ. Who God made me. An individual with gifts, interests, desires, and the need to use my brain. :) My family is my world right now...but not my identity. I have observed that when you let something (even "good" things) become who you are, you often destroy the very thing you've let consume you. It's like using a plastic knife to cut down a tree: it's not intended for that purpose, therefore it is destroyed and the tree is still standing.
I need the reminder that what I do is not who I am. And for me, writing does this. It renews and enhances my perspective on life. It helps me enjoy and process my world. Regardless of the subject matter, I see God in the art. And I pray to be an artist worthy of His signature.
Now I'll warn you, my musings may be random. I am following a good friend's advice (and example) by simply writing; putting words to life and thereby fully living.
If you are one of the souls that happens along this blog, I pray you see God in it, most of all. I hope it blesses you in some way. Maybe make you cry and laugh with me along the way.
So enough introduction and explanation. Sufficient rambling for one post. I'll sign off for now, promising to return soon. Even if it's with a spoon in one hand.
As many of you know, a year ago last week my precious father was taken Home to Jesus. Even as I type these words, I realize that I still haven't grasped the truth of it. I feel like I'm acting out someone else's life. It is still too horrific for my heart to believe. But the reality of him not being physically present in my life anymore is all too obvious every single day.
I say all this to explain why I need to write again. Why "putting pen to paper" needs to no longer be one of many things that has been demoted on my priority list. Mainly because I feel it is how God created me. He gave me the desire to write and the ability to best communicate that way. It may not be helpful to anyone else, but it helps me process this thing called life. It causes me to sort out circumstances. Discern truth. Enjoy experiences over and over. And now, also honor and feel close to my Daddy.
Daddy loved to write. He was very gifted with words and also enjoyed the therapy writing brought. We loved to read each other's "works." He was my biggest cheerleader and I always felt like I was seeing even deeper into his heart when I read something he wrote. We even wrote a speech together for my high school graduation. It was simply one of many bonds we shared.
In the past few years, life has taken off - sometimes feeling as though it was taking me for a ride. Carl and I married in March of 2008. Liam was born in November of the same year, with Cole following in June of 2010, and Ezra in September of 2011. Daddy's first bout with cancer was early 2010. We thought it was taken care of after surgery and an abbreviated round of treatments. A year later we were shocked with the news that it was still very present; and advanced. In four months we lived through an earthly Hell.
There are many blessings to acknowledge. And there is pain and loss with which to cope.
My days are so busy I feel like I don't do either very well. I look back on a day and try to remember doing anything besides fixing meals, changing diapers, a grocery store trip and cleaning endless dishes and messes. I wouldn't trade my "occupation" for anything in the world. But I feel like if I let myself focus only on the mundane, I'll lose sight of the extraordinary. I can get so consumed with doing the work that God has given me, that I forget God.
Writing, for me, is a way of communing with God. I talk to Him as I write. He speaks to me as thoughts swirl through my head. And many times, I'll look back at something I have just typed and know that it was Him who pulled those words from my scattered brain. After all, He gave me the love of writing to use, right? Does it glorify Him if we let a gift He gives us simply sit on the shelf? Or, in my case, put it on the priority list in the vicinity of the other items I know, deep down, will not get done? Hardly.
Now I realize that this is not going to be an easy task for me. I am easily distracted and I have three cute, loud, little distractions running around me 24/7. (I have gotten up from my computer no less than 50 times thus far in this post, and I am spoon-feeding a certain baby between sentences.)
But it is my goal. My pledge. To God, to myself, and to my Daddy's memory. I will write more often. No one may ever read it; but that's okay. I will endeavor to remind myself in this small way of my identity. Who I am in Christ. Who God made me. An individual with gifts, interests, desires, and the need to use my brain. :) My family is my world right now...but not my identity. I have observed that when you let something (even "good" things) become who you are, you often destroy the very thing you've let consume you. It's like using a plastic knife to cut down a tree: it's not intended for that purpose, therefore it is destroyed and the tree is still standing.
I need the reminder that what I do is not who I am. And for me, writing does this. It renews and enhances my perspective on life. It helps me enjoy and process my world. Regardless of the subject matter, I see God in the art. And I pray to be an artist worthy of His signature.
Now I'll warn you, my musings may be random. I am following a good friend's advice (and example) by simply writing; putting words to life and thereby fully living.
If you are one of the souls that happens along this blog, I pray you see God in it, most of all. I hope it blesses you in some way. Maybe make you cry and laugh with me along the way.
So enough introduction and explanation. Sufficient rambling for one post. I'll sign off for now, promising to return soon. Even if it's with a spoon in one hand.
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