I've been reflecting much lately on life.
True, this is a broad topic to say the least. But when the reality of death hits you like a lightning bolt -- out of nowhere and too powerfully to ignore -- it makes you contemplate deep things.
At least it does me.
It seems that God is up to something these days...which is nothing new. He is always acting, even when we can't see it. But for some reason, He is giving me tiny glimpses occasionally. Like an artist who lets you see bits and pieces, but not the finished product. Yet. Only enough to pique your curiosity and keep you wondering. And excited.
One of the things He has been doing, is striking me with a memory every now and then. Many times a seemingly insignificant moment in the past, that at the time, didn't seem worth remembering. Definitely "nothing to write home about," as my Daddy would say. The "triggers" are random and sometimes just make no sense. Nevertheless, they summon a memory I am so glad was hidden in the chambers of my mind and heart.
I think of them as snapshots; life-pictures we take, sometimes unknowingly, that define the way we view our past in the present.
I don't know about you, but there are other snapshots I took (and take) on purpose. Moments I realized were significant and precious and I intentionally stored them in my heart...
Like two specific hugs from my grandfather; one of which was indeed my last.
Certain intimate, sincere times of worship and dedication to Jesus.
When my precious husband proposed. Our wedding. Our wedding night.
Holding my Daddy's hand when he was his sickest, as he slept one day.
Sweet snuggling sessions with each of my babies; knowing that all too soon they would grow too big to enjoy being swaddled and rocked.
Some of our memories of the past are precious. But we can't live there. We can't depend on them for our source of joy or sense of well-being.
And let's face it: some memories are far from good...
A harsh word -- spoken by or to us.
A scarring childhood.
A painful relationship.
Watching someone you love, leave this world.
Abuse.
Neglect.
We would like to erase those. Yet we can't live there either. We can't let them define who we are. We should definitely strive to be fully present in the "now." The mundane, the significant; the trials and the celebrations. For all are ordained by God and are for a Purpose. But the other side of that coin is that the "now" is not all we have. Whether our lives have tipped the memory scales in the positive or negative direction, it isn't all we have.
I received the most comfort I've felt in a long time, just the other night. God led me to pick up a book by Randy Alcorn, called "Heaven," which I have been (slowly) reading, and focused me on a certain portion. What I read tied in beautifully with what has been on my mind in terms of the "snapshots" life is made of:
"Memory is a basic element of personality. If we are truly ourselves in Heaven, there must be continuity of memory from Earth to Heaven. We will not be different people, but the same people marvelously relocated and transformed. Heaven cleanses us but does not revise or extinguish our origins or history. Undoubtedly we will remember God's works of grace in our lives that comforted, assured, sustained and empowered us to live for Him."
This excites me. It makes me realize that the memories we have, the snapshots we take, are not meaningless after this earth is gone. They matter. 'Cause they aren't going to disappear once we are in the presence of Jesus. All that will change is our perspective of them. The sin-clouded glasses will be removed and we will see clearly.
Alcorn, in a later chapter, says "In Heaven, neither we nor our family members will cause pain. Our relationships will be harmonious -- what we've longed for."
He continues, "There's every reason to believe we'll pick right up in Heaven with relationships from earth. We'll gain many new ones but will continue to deepen the old ones."
This thrills me. It makes me weep with relief. The memories, good and bad, will not be the end. The snapshots will meld into a whole, complete, beautiful picture of God's grace in our lives here on earth. We will see even -- and most likely, especially -- in the sad and painful memories, what God was accomplishing. We will worship all the more in Heaven, because we will be free from sin and the human, sin-laden perspectives we once had.
So the snapshots -- we need to keep taking them. They are useful right now because they help us savor the good moments, the little tastes of the New Earth to come. Even the hard times that, like it or not, are etched on our hearts, build our faith and push us toward Christ. Whether it's a childhood flashback, an "on purpose" memory, or a snapshot stained with tears, we must thank God for it. And look forward to building on them -- now and in Heaven!
Whether they seem trivial or not, one day we will realize they were all definitely "worth writing home about." Except we'll already be there.
